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Over the summer, Iapos;ve been kinda-using paces for 3 marathon goal times for my workouts: 3:40, 3:30 and 3:20, kinda picking the one with the easiest run-math with which to do my quality workouts. Iapos;d been training for someone elseapos;s PR, not really my own, 3:40 was kinda-comfortable, 3:30 Goldilocks, 3:20 my bleeding edge, some days I�went for it, others no so much. Yesterday I dropped that, switched over to my new/next-phase goal time, my NYC-marathon-guaranteed-entry-qualifying time that I�need to run the local/Austin 3M half marathon in: 1:29 (well, < 1:30, I picked 1:29 rather than, say,�1:29:59 to give me 60 seconds of "cushion"...). I�plugged a 1:29 half marathon time into my various pace calculators to get my run quality-workout charts/paces to use for the next 3 months. Whereas "1:30" doesnapos;t/didnapos;t�mean anything to me, �the charts show the "equivalent" marathon time -- which does�mean something to me -- as 3:07. Gulp.
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At work on friday i offered to go back on the inpatient unit with juanita (who is still taking herceptin for her breast cancer and still needs to wear a wig) just to be nice.�

i never talked about my relationship with david with the staff.� but i guess they all knew. No one asked me about it.� i see rachel, the least horrible nurse, in fact, i thought she was the nicest nurse, and we say hi, and sheapos;s all friendly, then out of no where, "so are you still with your man in LA?".� i was slightly taken aback.� "uh, no, weapos;re not together"� "oh....[something i canapos;t remember but asking if i was okay...in a crowded nurseapos;s station]"� "yeah, itapos;s alright".�

juanita was surprised too that she asked me about my personal life like that.� people have NO boundaries at my job.�

but i was sad all weekend thinking about it.� and it sucks that people get pleasure from knowing that things suck for you, but there you go.�

today i took a nice picure of david and taped it to a list of crappy things he did to me.� and i wrote "egg waster" across the edge with a picure of a broken egg shell.�

very important interview on friday.� freaking out.�
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Watching the game. Iapos;m rooting for the Red Sox, of course, but Iapos;ll feel happy for Tampa Bay if they win as well.

Iapos;ve had a frustrating weekend. Iapos;m either pissing people off lately or utterly lacking in communication skills or both. Or maybe everyone else is just in a bad mood too. *eye roll* But itapos;s ok - my social life has died before and I always seem to resurrect it. Not to mention, I havenapos;t felt well and many of my friends have gone through a lot lately...ah well.

Um, anyhoo. I counted my postcards and was disappointed to find Iapos;d only received about half as much as advertised. I left a message with the seller, hoping sheapos;ll offer some accommodation, but Iapos;ve doubt it. I could return the lot, but the price for the amount is still reasonable, and Iapos;m pleased with the content of the cards, at least. Still...itapos;ll be harder to make my money back, and it always sucks to be disappointed and get less than expected.

We finished shutting up the cottage for the Winter today. The lake looked gorgeous ringed with the autumn colors, and I spent quite some time on the beach witnessing the calm beauty. I also managed to help move the paddleboat without falling or injuring myself - take THAT coordination Had dinner one last time at the little pizza place nearby - at least, one last time for this year.

I took Misty to the vet on Friday. Her infections seem mostly better, but sheapos;s been very inactive. The vet thinks sheapos;s suffering from arthritis in her back legs and advised me to give her aspirin. I think it might be helping - Misty still wouldnapos;t leave her cage voluntarily today, but after taking her out, she hopped all over the room. Sheapos;s also bending her back legs more, instead of sticking them out the side and balancing on her poor tail.

Things have been a bit tense between my parents and I. Itapos;s probably more my fault than theirs - Iapos;ve been tense and less willing to put up with their quirks. Come to think of it, vice versa as well. Last night I went to bed early - at 8 pm - to avoid them. I slept a good 16 hours, so maybe I needed it I dreamed I was eating chocolate, with sense of taste and all. Awesome.

Um, I guess thatapos;s all. Hereapos;s hoping my mood improves this week.

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i know youapos;ll probably hate me forever for saying this,
but i just canapos;t hold my anger any longer.


just hate me if you want,
hate hate hate,
iapos;m not going to care about it because i know what i am doing,
and iapos;m doing it with no regrets.


i wouldnapos;t have bothered that much
if you are not a friend that i valued that much.


and iapos;m like that if you havenapos;t realised
say it out whatever i donapos;t like.


the truth is that blatant and raw,
and if youapos;re gonna continue to live in self denial,
youapos;ll sink deeper and deeper into the abysmal sea,
eyes blinded by the black waters until you couldnapos;t
diffierentiate white from black.
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[The PDA�gets turned on accidentally as he sits up with a bit of a groan.]

...Iapos;m not dead?

...

Iapos;m not dead

[And here is an instinct yelp of joy.� Which, a couple moments later, is finished by a shout down the side of the building.]

...But that doesnapos;t mean Iapos;m not mad at you, Belldandy

[And here is muttering to himself as he walks back and picks up the PDA.]

Jumping off the building like that, geeze... Why on Earth would she go and do that??

...oh, itapos;s on?� Well, not a problem - actually makes it better

Edward?� Lieutenant Hawkeye?� Judai?��Johan?� Ryou?� Everyone all right?

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I donapos;t usually make a big deal about my birthday, mostly because Iapos;m not big on self promoting. I thought I should say something anyways.

Most of the birthday stuff has happened already. I got my dinner from my in-laws last Friday. I received their gift on Monday. (Pretty much all the PS2 games I had on my Amazon wishlist. Lego Batman gets a lot of play because the Bear keeps requesting it.) I got my wifeapos;s gift on Tuesday (Vol 2 and 3 of Harvey Birdman.) and my parentsapos; card arrived on Wednesday. So, there isnapos;t too much that will actually be on my birthday. Iapos;m probably going to show up for gaming so that people will give me their well wishes. Tomorrow the wife and I will be going to see Brave and Todesbonden at Jamminapos; Java, so that should be fun.

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�And all my future possibilities seen to dance around me, screeming " pick me up, pick me up", but thereapos;s only room for one, and I think I know what it is( at least what I want it to be).
I think by now Iapos;m getting used that, sometimes, I care more than I shoul, more than people deserve, But my heart, leaving in broken peaces, is getting stronger, and harder to break.
The innocence times are gone (or almost, after all, Uila stils Uila).
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